My Support Forums - View Single Post - post-op, separated, confused

Catherine2 · Jun 03, 2009, 02:23 AM

[quote=LSCS628;1036437]A BIG THANK YOU TO THOSE OF YOU THAT SHARED YOUR THOUGHTS AND SUPPORT WITH ME!
TO UPDATE: I CAN TELL YOU THAT I AM MEETING WITH MY ATTORNEY (AFTER FILLING OUT A MOUND OF PAPERWORK) THIS COMING THURSDAY. WE WILL BE PROCEEDING WITH DIVORCE PAPERS.

A huge step for you and it took courage and determination.
I know it doesn't feel like it, though.

I WENT BACK FOR MY NIECES COLLEGE GRADUATION AND STAYED AT THE HOUSE WITH HIM AND MY DAUGHTER. AT THAT POINT I TOLD HIM THAT I WAS IN THE PROCESS OF FILING FOR DIVORCE. HE BECAME COLD AND REFUSED TO DISCUSS ANYTHING.

...I'm so sorry
In a way, to me at least, it shows he may still be trying to control you. All the more reason to protect yourself...

HE HAS ALSO BEEN PLAYING THE INNOCENT, SAD MAN WITH HIS (AND I THOUGHT MINE) EXTENDED FAMILY. THAT IS THE REASON NONE OF MY LETTERS, E-MAILS AND CARDS HAVE BEEN ACKNOWLEDGED BY ANY OF THEM. HE HAS 5 BROTHERS WITH WIVES AND CHILDREN, NOT TO MENTION MY 2 STEPDAUGHTERS FAMILIES (6 GRANDCHILDREN). WOULDN'T YOU THINK THAT THEY WOULD KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH TO ACCEPT THAT I AM NOT A CRAZY, HEARTLESS, CONIVING PERSON?

They will in time...right now they are still snowed by his words and actions. It's quite likely they may be struggling with loyalty to a by-blood family member.

HOW DO YOU KEEP FROM DROWNING IN SADDNESS AND GRIEF WHEN IT INVOLVES SO MANY PEOPLE THAT YOU HAVE LOVED FOR SO MANY YEARS?

LSCS628, that other four letter word time.
Jme, but taking things slowly and not berating yourself can help. All of this is shaking the only foundation you have known for years...it has to be rebuilt brick by brick.
Grief is seldom mentioned as a byproduct of letting go of one life and beginning another. Please know that your recognition of your grief is good although it hurts...people rush to your side whenever there is a physical death; hardly anyone sees the death of a relationship/marriage as deserving of support.

POST OP I AM DOING WELL. TODAY I CAN FINALLY BRING MY ROSIE DOG HOME.

I BEGIN MY NEW JOB ON THE 11TH. HOW IN THE HECK AM I GOING TO BE ABLE TO CONCENTRATE AND STOP THE TEARS WHEN THAT STARTS?

You will be in my thoughts...
In your earlier post, you mentioned your peers do care about you and want the best for you. They'll understand how difficult it will be for you as you are getting back on your feet.
Just a thought, but maybe after a day or two of adjusting to the newness of it, perhaps you will be able to feel free of a lot of garbage you've been carrying for so long...and start feeling relief.
With all my heart, I hope this happens and happens quickly.

I KNOW THAT STARTING OVER IS A VERY LONELY, SCAREY PLACE TO BE BUT SOMETIMES THE PAIN OF IT IS JUST TOO MUCH.

LSCS628, you are absolutely right about it. But could you see yourself staying in that life with him, and endure that type of loneliness and know that it will never get better?

Talking about it here and irl can help you get through it, bit by bit. Yeah, you are in a rough spot and may be there for awhile...but look what you have survived so far? There is so much courage within you, it will keep you going.
At some point, there will be more peace in your heart than there is fear and loneliness.
Please give yourself credit for being a solid and worthwhile woman, deserving of respect and acceptance.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing, ok?
We really do care...

Catherine

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