I finally realised (yes it took me a while) that I cant help that child that wasnt loved in the right way - that I cant help her or make her whole because I dont have a time machine - drat!!! so I have to try and find out the needs of the person that ... the she that is me now the she that was born after the attack - I have to get to know her and try to meet her needs even though I dont like her much - I have to try and loook for her good points althought the bad ones are easier to find arnt they