I am feeling numb, I can't cry, I have to started to hurt myself again. Then I hate myself for it because it proves my husband right. I pushed hime the other night and kept pushing him until he threw the chair at me and said he wanted to strangle me. He knew about the rape when he married me, I was sucideal at the time and he took care of me. But know he just keeps throwing it at me telling me how crazy I was and am and that no one will ever love me. And I can't feel anything, so I cut myself then I feel pain. Then I feel reallly stupid and crazy.