Silv, You've got a LOT of good advice... I'm worried about you.... need to remember to PM you.

Chaotic, Sannah... yeah.... dunno what to say. My mom and granma were 2 of my first abusers, physical and sexual. dad was the third. the women i think finally stopped when i was 4 because i turned into a totally wild creature. but no one could fight back against the dad. but i think i have a harder time with women because the lils in my system respect them and want them to be their moms (not all, chaotic, I had to choke back a laugh with you wanting to strangle them... I too have had to restrain that feeling with those that are all business and not at all caring or sensitive). But i think i have watched how women don't seem to matter in the house, so why should i trust them or talk to them? they always hand me over to the males anyway. But with my current dr - i trust her and care for her too much - I can't let her look THERE. ugh. this has me thinking so much about things, and also dreading this once again 3 months early.