((((((((seekhelp))))))))

It sounds like you're going through a lot right now, and have been for a long time. I know how difficult that is. Have you considered talking to someone at your student support office? Most schools have professional counsellors you can see confidentially (and for free) as little or as often as you like. I would never have gotten through my depression without seeing my student support counsellor. Talking to her was very helpful, and she had all kinds of suggestions for ways to improve the quality of my life. It might be something for you to look into.

Good luck.