My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and 3 months now. We met in our senior year of high school and instantly clicked and started dating. Everything was perfect as most relationships are in the beginning.

About a month or so into it I found out I was pregnant. I was 17 at the time and completely freaked out when I found out. I told him as soon as I found out. He was shocked but unlike most guys, wanted to have the baby which I respected. He was working at UPS at the time and said he thought he would be able to support it. I was just shocked and confused about what to do but as much as I would have liked to have a baby I definitely knew I was not ready to raise a child. I was only 17 and not even out of high school yet! We didn't have the money to raise a baby. And I could just imagine what my parents would say. I waited a week until I told my dad, and the first words out of his mouth were " I'll pay for it but you're going to have to pay me back" meaning he wanted me to have an abortion. I'm not saying my dad made my decision for me because it was very much my own decision to go through with the abortion, but his opinion mattered to me. Even though my boyfriend begged & cried for me not to go through with it, I did.

And after it was all over with it was all i could think about. I felt so awful. I wish I could take it back. If i would have had that baby it would be 6 months old. I think about it every day & so does he. Since that incident, I feel like our relationship has been strained. The first few months after it happened we were fine, we never talked about it. But then we started fighting alot. He says he cannot trust me because I killed his baby. It kills me to hear him say that.

Recently he started getting mad at me for ridiculous things. For example, the clothes I wear are "slutty" (which they are not, i have respect for myself and know how to dress) anything that shows a little cleavage started a big fight.
The other night he got mad at me for being awake when he called me on his work break at 12:00 am.
I stayed at his house one night and could not go to sleep at all and woke up around 7am and asked him if I could leave and sleep at my house. He got so angry and told me i ruined his day. I left and he later texted me saying " I ****ing hate you. I hope you had fun walking by my brother on the way out in your slutty clothes. you ruined my day." On another day he kicked a huge dent in my car because he "caught" me looking at his brother as he pulled up in the driveway. I explained I was just glancing to see who it was. But that didnt matter to him.

Another example. He asked me one day randomly when I would have his baby. We've talked about this and marriage before so it wasn't anything new. I said " I don't know let's at least get married first, several years maybe?" He got angry and said I was scared of commitment and scared of being tied down. I responded " I don't feel like i've really lived my life i'm only 18!" He got even more angry and brought up my past like I was some slut. "You've already been through your slutty stage with all your older ex boyfriends, you've been to the club, what else do you have to do?" I explained that when I have a baby I want to give it the world, I want to be financially ready, and living on my own & graduate college first. None of that was the right answer for him.
When he gets mad at me at stuff like this it makes me go crazy because I know I am doing absolutely nothing wrong yet he is getting so mad at me and saying mean things to me. Lately it has gotten way out of hand with me crying and screaming uncontrollably and I can't stop. I even hit myself when I feel like he isn't listening to me which is often. He doesn't care anymore when i get upset and calls me "psycho" and "crazy". I don't blame him but i feel like the reason I act like that is because of him! He blames me and my 'crazy behavior' for our problems in the relationship. When i try to say he gets mad at me for everything he just ignores me and says its all me. When things get really bad he brings up the abortion and says: You feel like im treating you so bad? You should have thought about me before you killed my baby." It always seem to be his reason for getting angry. And then he feels bad and apologizes and acts like everything is okay.

What do I do?? I feel as if everything I do is wrong. And that I will never be good enough because of what I did. Sometimes he makes me feel like I am a burden to him. He never wants to talk things out. I feel as if he thinks I am so annoying when I attempt to talk to him about getting mad at me for ridiculous things.