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we've worked with our T for 14 years. in all that time we've gotten less and less support from our spouse. but we kept trying to believe what he said, "if you get well things will be better with you and me". our oldest daughter went to therapy these last 6 months and as she shared her issues with us we realized that our spouse has never been supportive to us or to our daughters. he rejects and abandons all of us. we had some illusions that we could fix what is wrong in our marriage just by getting well ourselves. that is not true. it takes two to make or two to break a marriage.
we are afraid, alone, disillusioned. ANGRY too. we moved from the bad home of childhood, a few years on our own and then into 29 years of a marriage where we have never been accepted for who we really are. trapped, we feel trapped. is this how we will have to live the rest of our life??
i don't know that we expect anyone to write to us, we just need to hear ourselves say what is really going on. we fooled ourselves for so long - until we heard our children say what we had also experienced, that our husband and their dad is emotionally detached, neglectful and one who only values them if they can perform to his expectations and they can never do enough to "win" his acceptance. we feel bad because we let him mistreat our daughters as he mistreats us. it hurts badly to hear sarah say that "i am not good enough for dad and i've never been good enough for dad." our only goal as a mom was that our kids NOT suffer like we did and it was NOT as bad as our childhood, but we still did not give them all they needed to be healthy adults. i can't give what i never had myself.
ok, i'm quitting now. i'm trying to get somewhere in my mind and find some way to come to acceptance of things/people as they are, not as i want them to be. i want to find some way to be healthy, happy even if my spouse never accepts me or loves me. i want to stop giving him the power to hurt me or control me, he's not a "god" you know? i think it is my littles who are scared of living forever with someone who does not love/accept them. we are not able to provide for ourselves and live on our own. if anyone is still reading thanks for letting me ramble as i try to deal with my life as it is.
leslie
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  HEALING HAPPENS
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