(((((((((((((((exoticflower))))))))))))))))))))

I can SO relate to your realization about T1.

As you probably know, I ended up in bed with the youth minister of my church when I was in high school. I had been going to him for "counseling" but it truly turned into a friendship - a very personal relationship - and he offered to take me out for ice cream and took me to his apartment instead. The whole thing was a total shock to me...totally unexpected (because he was an adult and I was in high school and he was my minister!)...and I just went along with it, because I had no idea what else to do.

Afterwards, he told me that we couldn't be friends anymore, and I couldn't come see him at the church anymore. That it all had to be over. He told me this in the car on the way back to my parents house (we never got the ice cream). I was DEVASTATED. I was living in this hell at home, and my support was yanked away from me.

Even now, 20 years later, I go to his church's website sometimes and I think about how I could e-mail him and say something about what he did. I get what you're saying about being hurt and about the only way to "get back" at him is to get back at him through his profession.

It is unbelievably painful to be hurt that way by someone who is supposed to be helping us. I think that identifying your real feelings about what happened is a huge and important first step. It hurts so much, but acknowledging the hurt - and the real reason for the hurt - is such a huge first step in healing.

Sending tons of to you. You were so brave to share your feelings with T at your last appointment.

Be gentle with you.