I'm being as patient as I can and still working my butt off. You know, I don't think Connor realises just how hard it is to stand on your own to feet at such a young age and deal with sales people, bills, the council, job hunting and all that sorta stuff. I don't think that he thinks about that because he has it all done for him at home, so doesn't understand what it's like. He's learning.

It's not that it's too lonely for me, it's that I feel like I help so many others but not one of them tries, or even wants to help me... I feel like I'm just wasting my time helping so many people, but as I learned the other day, it does pay off more often than not. I just wish that it was the same for everybody I helped, not just one person!!!

I managed to sleep last night, but have a sore throat, feel sick and headachey again today and I'm trying my hardest to be happy. I have started on my video for my newest song and have yet to email lyrics to those who have requested that. I have yet to start on the poem for my friend about her friend, the song for my friend and get recording done, not to mention Mum calling me today and asking me to look after her bungalow whilst she goes on holiday in July. This is something I'm perfectly willing to do because she has my parrot and she has a dog, which will keep me happy and hopefully ease some of my stress... I'm just scared she'll find out about my ED when i don't eat anything when I'm there. Hmm.

Yes, my ED's been getting worse and my counsellor wasn't happy this week when she looked at my food diary and saw I'd been eating as little as I could get away with. She said she was shocked and didn't know how I could still be standing. Maybe it's because I'm determined not to let on...

I spoke to my counsellor about a lot of feelings and such and admitted that behind all the smiles and laughter, I'm really not okay. She had to stop in her tracks, look at me and ask me to say it again she was so surprised. She said that when i said that she could sense a lot of hurt lingering and that it was a very difficult thing for me to do and it took a lot of strength... To be honest, my brain's not functioning very well and I feel like I just blurted it out without thinking :-/ not such a bad thing though, because that's the truth. I'm really not okay despite all the fronts I put on..