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Jun 04, 2009, 09:01 AM
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Member Since: Feb 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,611
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(((thepainneverdies))) I'm sorry you are feeling so bad about yourself. I have felt the same way. It's was all my fault and how could I be so stupid and I deserve to be in sack cloth and ashes & sent to Siberia.
Then I remind myself that if I had been able to do better I would have, as I'm sure you would have made better choices were you truly capable of it. We didn't, like every other person on earth at one time or another. Don't wait for their forgiveness, forgive yourself and promise yourself that now you know better, you'll will try your best to act better.
You may not ever get the love, understanding, forgiveness or acceptance you want from certain people. All you can do is say your sorry and you'll try to be a better person from now on. Or just DO, don't even say sorry - depending on the situation and how many times you've said "sorry" before.
It'll take a while for people to notice, then for them to believe you really have changed, so patience with yourself and others is very important. Those who never forgive, never give you a break, never understand, you do not need or want in your life. Unless you like feeling the way you are right now.
Be kind and gentle to yourself, you do deserve it. We are all doing the best we can with what we've got. Some people have many resources and do little with it. Some of us have very little resources but do much with the little we have. People with lots of resources who have never walked in our shoes may never be capable of *seeing* how much we do, how hard we try.
Be good to yourself, take care of yourself. Keep letting us know how you are doing. I've spent a lot of time crying over the years. Having a good hearty cry can be healing, like rain washing the air clean. Please stop beating yourself up. Think: You are not a bad person trying be good, but a sick person trying to get well. 
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