Lately, the world has been spinning in the wrong direction for me. The sky is falling on me, and the walls are caving in. I haven't felt a real sense of happiness in years. The only thing that gives me a sort of preview into happiness is Vinnie, my boy friend. When I'm with him I feel more joyful and optimistic. But, of course, considering me and my paranoia, every little detail makes me feel like somethings not right. So here's the problem:

See, Vinnie is 17, and known EVERYWHERE. Everyone loooves Vinnie. I've never met someone who hasn't thought he was absolutely amazing. In fact, his nick name is Jesus. [cause he resembles him in appearance and because he's so ridiculously awesome] I don't know how he doesn't always have a girlfriend. Because before me there weren't many girlfriends in his life. He knows everyone, everywhere. And, some people he doesn't even know come up to him and say "Vinnie I love you!" and he looks at them weirdly and says "oh.. well I don't know you.."

Me? A lot of people like me I guess. I'm 15, 2 years younger than him. And I don't know NEARLY as much people as he does. And all my friends think of me as awesome. I usually get along with everyone I know. But I could NEVER level up to the popularity Vinnie has.

That makes me feel like I am not good enough for him. I feel like he should get prettier, more mature girls other than me. That's not even the problem though. Every time I want to hang out with him he blows me off for his friends. And since he has so many, thats ALLL the time he blows me off. He called me and said "We never hang out anymore.. it just like... ugh" and I felt like he was on the verge of breaking up with me cause thats how most guys end things. So I said "Well.. lets hang out on friday we can go to the mall"
So we go to the mall. But once I get there he had to leave to be with his friends. And that got me mad cause thats like the 20th time hes done that to me. So I got a little upset. And he was like "we will hang out tomorrow I promise." When he left I ended up leaving too to go to a party with my friends. I called him and asked if he wanted to come to the party after he was done hanging out with his friends but no. He was too busy. Which I understood.
Then the next day, inwhich he promised to hang out with me, he told me to go the the park-and-ride [[its where everyone in the nieghborhood usually hangs out]] So I did. I waited 5 hours for him to come down. And he never did. He called and said he was watching the Penns game with his friend. I was upset so I told him that if he didnt hang out with me soon I would be extremily mad. So he told me he would go to Kennywood with me. [[kennywood is an amusment park near where I live.]]
He ended up going, thank god. We had fun intill close to the end of the day where he told me "My friends at the mall said you were childish.. I mean you are a freshman." I was like "Thanks Vinnnie, sorry if I'm too childish for you" I said it in a joking voice. Then he went and said "Well, we never get to hang out. You get mad when we can't, but I told you before we went out that I am a busy guy. But nope you didnt listen." That got me down really down. that was the first time I was with him and not happy. When I was leaving He hugged me and just stood there. Usually theres a big kiss, like a scene in a movie. But He just stood there. So I went in to give him a small kiss.

I know hes probably going to break up with me. And really, its not too big of a deal to most people. But to me, he's so much. I depend too much on him. He's the only thing that brings me happiness. And with out him I down..ALL the time. If he leaves me, then I'll lose that feeling of happiness. That feel when I actually feel special. I'll go back to the old me where I was always depressed. I'll go back to wanting to kill myself, and cutting. I don't want that to happen. What should I do?