I am a bit familier with your history as I have followed your posts very carefully. I am Panic Disorder sufferer so I know what your body is going through and your mind. It never stops. The wheels are always turning and it makes you so incredibly exhausted. One thing after another. I understand. Suddenly I will get a pain somewhere and automatically I assume that it's a tumor or something else that is serious and my thoughts spiral out of control. It is a horrible way to feel, a horrible way to live and horrible way to think. I wish I could give you a big hug right now and tell you that it is your anxiety and that would be enough to calm you and take some of it away. Unfortuneatly, its not enough.
I understand your thoughts and fears about therapy. I think your thoughts and concerns are valid. However, I do not think that you will be put away against your will. I really dont. Thing is Grey, I dont think its about counting backwards by three's or some other generic tactic to deal with panic attacks that is going to help you. I know for me, it didnt. I suffer from severe anxiety and OCD as well as depression. I think that seeing a T is in your best interest. One that speacializes with Panic Disorder. They have trained and know what to expect from someone with this disorder. I have weird phobia, weird thoughts and my T understands that those phobias and thoughts are "normal" for a person with panic disorder. It took me a while to form a relationship with my T. Trust is not implied with me it is earned and I am sure you are the same way. She talks to me like she knows how I am feeling. She is so good at what she does and it makes me feel comfortable leaving my care in her hands and I think what you need is to find a T that fits your needs just as I have. I also take medication. I think you may want to look into this. Alot of these AD's available work wonders on Panic Disorder/GAD. I tell you, since I have started taking me Effexor XR, I feel 75%-85% better then I was just a few months ago. I was reluctant at first, which I know is normal but I am so glad that forced myself to take the medications. I also journal, helps me pinpoint triggers, feelings, situations that might account for some of the anxiety that I feel. I do my part. I can take all the medications in the world, go to as many T appointments I can but none of it matters if I dont take the initiative to "get well".
I long everyday to be "normal". I try to take all suggestions from my T, PC, Friends, Family, books or where ever I can to help me deal with my illness for the long haul. I know I have been stricken with a terrible thing, Depression, OCD and Panic Disorde are a part of me but not who I am and not how I want to be labled. I have to be stronger then that and I know YOU ARE STRONGER then that.
You need to do something for you. Like I said, I would seek a T out with specific training in dealing with Panic Disorder. It really helps.
As far as your fears of pains in your body and what not. This is normal. Bodies feel things that arnt so pleasant sometimes. It's scary yes, but its normal.
Thats all I have to say for now because I have taken some sleep meds and feeling a little loopy. I hope my post made sense. If not, please forgive me. LOL
Take care of yourself GreyGoose. Please take my advise. Do some research on a Qualified Therapist and seek that treatment. I dont want you to suffer anymore because I know the pain your feeling inside. I just want you to feel better.
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