strawberryyum: He says that he has told his brother and he agrees with him about it!

Hmmm. Sometimes perfect agreement isn't always a good thing.

and my boyfriend had an awful relationship with his father when he was younger, he was abused and now hates his father and refuses to talk to him. I think thats part of the reason he was so upset with the abortion. he felt he didn't have a father so he wanted to be that perfect father to a child.

All of us are shaped by our relationships with our parents and it could well be that his opportunity to be a father was also his opportunity to reclaim aspects of his own childhood. In losing the one, he also lost the other. It may be helpful for you to understand some of his underlying motivations but that still doesn't make you responsible for them. Neither are you required to serve as a scapegoat for the emotions he finds overwhelming or distressing.

Something I forgot to add to my post was that several of our fights have gotten physical but he has never put a hand on me. It has always been me hitting him or grabbing him. I haven't done it in a while but I'm afraid I will. I feel like the anger in me just builds and I go crazy and make a big scene. I don't ever really hurt him but it makes me feel awful because i know he would never hit me...

It sounds as if you feel overwhelmed by your emotions at times too. I can understand that people often raise their voices (and their fists) when they feel frightened or threatened but that should be an indication to you that you need to step away. Your boyfriend is also a human being and as entitled to your respect for him as you are entitled to his.

All couples fight and disagree to a certain extent so it can be helpful to learn how to fight fairly. This link might have some ideas for you: How to Fight Fair in a Relationship. There are numerous other similar articles that can be found on the net. One of the most useful tools you can put to work for you is to call a time-out if the situation is escalating. That will allow both of you the opportunity to step back and center yourselves.

Meantime, here's a site that offers support to women who have had abortions. You may be able to find some more specific advice there: Post Abortion Support.

Continued best of luck to you.

~ Namaste



Thank you guys for your replys!! they're very helpful!