I think this is such an interesting question. I've been thinking about it since you posted it. I don't really have an answer, but it brings up so many questions about my subconscious. It's amazing how our brains have so many levels - how we can both see what we need and avoid it at the same time. I guess this did enable me to see out what I needed when I was in my dissociated fuzzy state??

It was based on the circumstances mostly - It was something that needed to be taken care of quickly and I didn't have proper time to prepare in therapy - and I honestly didn't have anyone else to go with me. We talked about if it was crossing a boundary and both of us consulted people outside of the therapeutic relationship to discuss the circumstance. Everyone seemed to agree that it was okay. It retrospect, I am so glad that it worked out the way it did. T helped me get through and it enabled me to open up a bunch of new issues.

This really melts my brain up so much! Touching people/being touched makes me feel crazy. The thought of an interaction with T does seem safe in my mind but whenever I'm in session I get nauseated when the thought comes up. We spent today talking about something else but after session there was a strange incident and we briefly talked about it - it was a cruddy situation that I'm not ready to talk about right now - but I think what happened will help break ground for going back to this topic next week. So maybe if we're able to talk about it some more I can get to a place where I can consciously reach out for comfort.

I feel so crappy about this touch crapola.