LOL sitting,
I can totally relate. I feel like I don't give my T anything but a hard time with my lack of trust. I would like to have a really good relationship with her but I still have walls up for fear that I will somehow get hurt in all of this.

I wish I could give her more; I always show up, maybe that is something. I wish I could be really free with her, I hope that I can one day, I really do, she is been very patient with me.

I am pretty sure its not the check in my case though because it's only a small amount. She offered that amount because she knows I am a full time student and she doesn't take my insurance. I am so greatful for that, sometimes I feel guilty that I can't give her more, I know she deserves much more.