((((Chaotic)))) I meant to respond to your message earlier but I just realized that it didn't get quoted so I missed it.
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Originally Posted by chaotic13
I think our bodies are instinctually programmed to seek touch.If you think about it touch is the first sense babies develop and use to explore and connect with the world around them.
I think for many of use abuse or skewed social conditioning teaches us that touch is harmful,painful, bad and we are dirty, needy, or evil if we seek it. I seem to be in continual state of conflict attempting to sort out which touch is safe, which isn't. Which type of touch is appropriate and healthy to accept and even seek inside and outside the home.
I think I am struggling with wanting to expose myself and deal directly with my touch issues but am having trouble figuring out what the boundaries should be.
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I think you're pretty on point with everything you said. I wish I still had my developmental and social psychology books to reference. It's weird to read your thoughts (and other people's) and realize that if someone else had asked my question I would probably respond with the same types of thoughts, but when the question/problem is my own, I am unable to rationalize it down.
Has anything helped you to push forward in working on this touch issue? Two things are pushing me right now - knowing that I'm moving at the end of the summer and wherever I go, I'm probably going to be alone and I'm going to need people to thrive and also knowing that at the end of the summer when I move I have to start over with a new T and it could take me a whole year to learn to trust someone new enough to work on this. They are not huge motivators as the former is just a prospect and the latter I want to pretend isn't going to happen. Admittedly though, I really don't want to be alone and without touch forever. The idea of that is just as painful as the idea of being touched is right now - I'm just not sure that the prospect of possibly being with someone again someday is enough to plow through.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chaotic13
Treehouse your comment about your son holding your hand made me think of my own children and how often both of them reach out for me. I don't particularly like to be touched, but when they to these little things it an inner part of me just melts. I like providing this type of comforting for them. I also feel good because I feel like I provided them with something special that I don't think I will ever fully appreciate.
Touch should not be harmful!...there has to be a way to re-program and fix this loss
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Have you found that having children has been a way of reprogramming you? I'm only 23 and not really planning to have children so that wouldn't be a valuable strategy for me but I am curious nonetheless.
I actually talked to T tonight after I sent my earlier reply and we talked about what happened today and she thinks we need to test my limits to see what exactly is pushing my buttons so much with touch (ex: element of surprise, expectation, source of touch, my mood/level of awareness, situational context, etc). She said we're going to have to start trying to work with more physical exposure. (vomit)
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