How do I cut to the chase? My parents divorced when I was 6 years old and raised seperately myself and my 4 older brothers. My life would be great with the exception of financial difficulties on both my parents side as well as having an extremly difficult brother.
I am 21 now, and my brother is the same age. After my parents divorced I became a kind of 3rd parent (my mom had to work to raise us) which left me to help my brother in school. My brother was never really nice to me growing up--in fact I guess I would admit for the first time that he was verbally abusive....from about 12 years old and on calling me and my mom a *****, to f-off and every other name in the book. However, as family works, we forgave and forgot. However this past year my brother had spent 3 hard months in jail for a domestic charge filed by an ex. He wrote to us saying he had changed, how much he loved us and how hard he was going to work to put his life on track. I missed him so much when he was gone, everyone wrote and he was given our full support and love when hee was gone.
Now that he got out, the first month or so was great, no real problems but he hadn't found himself a job ( I know the economy is rough but COME ON, I have no sympathy..since high school (3 years ago) he has only had one single job that lasted like a month....he's just spoiled and was use to being handed everything). We had to just recently sell his car...which he never paid a single payment on so techinically it wasnt even his car. He got upset tonight, punched his fists into the wall. Called my mom and myself names and even pushed my mom around. he was trying to take her car to go out for the night. while my mom intitially said he could use her car she then said no once he became violent and yelling. well I pulled my mom and said let him go after he came pushy with her. He is very tall and strong and could easily hurt her (or me which I do worry about). He took off and the cops had to come. He is on probation right now and while he did return the car (otherwise he'd been going to jail and facing car theft charges); the cops however said he could still have a charge brought since he is on probation. I am writing this because I feel like my mom and I did the right think yet I always feel guilty when I see him in trouble. My mom has a PPO (protection order) against him so he wasnt even supposed to be around which was another issue. We kinda wanted to give him a second chance but he's proven us wrong. I want to try to understand this situation. I have lived in this kind of hell he has brought on for over 10 years and I have delt with inner depression that no one knows. life for me can become a daily struggle and I can't deal with his issues anymore, nor my mom. How do I go about keeping him out of my life for good? I can't forgive him anymore for the way he treated me, at one point I put it all behind me but his hateful words and threatening words and the way he acts like he wants to hit me has become too much. I dont want to get him arrested or see him arrested because of us but I dont know how to break family ties, if even possible. All I want is to be happy, I can't take this pain anymore or I will snap. I feel like a rotten person with a lot of hate, but no one (not even my parents) know the situations he put me in when I was younger. He's unwilling to get help for himself, and we're unable any longer to help him. I am afriad he's so unstable he might do something to himself and I'd feel guilty if it ever happened but please if anyone has a similar situation and can shed light on how they got through this or what they did I'd greatly appreciate it. I just can't go on living pretending to be happy with him in my life.
Much thanks.