(Disclaimer: it's been a long time since I was in therapy, I wasn't in therapy for all that long, the subject of touch hardly ever came up, and when it did, it wasn't about touching either of my Ts.)

Nowadays I seem to have access to two entirely different ways of thinking about (or responding to) touch. One is crazymaking, the other isn't. Ordinarily I seem to be able to shift back and forth between them fairly easily -- though I can also picture getting triggered in some way that'll throw me into crazymaking mode for at least a few minutes.

A few years ago I was talking to a friend about boundaries and she mentioned that her idea of a boundary violation was "having someone stand too close to you in line." I took a look and realized that when someone stands unexpectedlly close to me, I don't automatically treat it as a problem; instead, I take a look at how I actually feel about it. I may get a sense that I like or dislike the person a little -- that I'd prefer they moved farther away or, on the other hand, that I don't mind them where they are and maybe that I wouldn't mind them even closer.

My new neighbor (female, attractive) sometimes stands closer to me than expected when we happen to be talking. So far I don't have the sense that she means any harm so I accept it as a friendly gesture.

Once I was in someone's house, troubleshooting her stove, and she came over and stood next to me, actually making slight contact. I was distinctly uneasy because I thought she was making a play for me and I wasn't at all into sexual encounters with near-strangers. I ignored the contact and just kept on with what I was doing, and she eventually backed away.

I seem to be on hugging terms with most of my friends but we mostly hug only on special occasions -- such as after not having seen each other for a year. I do remember that back when I had much more of a charge on touch I'd hesitate to hug/touch anyone I wasn't, say, dating because I expected them to be put off by how much I wanted the contact.

(Howdy, Mighty! A cyberhug to you, if you don't mind... )