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spiritual_emergency · 04:20 AM

Pomegranate: I understand the importance of addressing and mostly living in TODAY. But as Socrates said, "An unexamined life is not worth living." I do get the feeling at times that therapists aren't all that interested in my need to sometimes talk about the past. Like my past is irrelavent to who I am and how I'm feeling & thinking TODAY!

A thought or two...

In my family of origin I can recall a period of time wherein every time the family would gather, the topic of the past would inevitably come up. I took part in those conversations for a number of years but there came a point when the conversation ceased to hold any attraction for me. Instead, I found myself not looking forward to family gatherings because I knew the topic would come up and I was tired of going there. 'There's nothing we can do about what happened,' I would think to myself, 'so what's the point of dragging all this old stuff forward once more?'

Essentially what seems to have happened is I reached a point where I was ready to move on and let go of the past, but other family members weren't ready to do so.

It's almost as if there is some kind of magical line that we (hopefully) all cross at some point but the difficulty is, you don't know where it is, you can't impose it upon another and no one can impose it upon you -- even if they try really hard to do so. You cross that line when you cross it and not a moment before. However, you do know that you're broaching that crossing at the point that you get tired of talking about what was and begin to become more excited by the thought of what could be.

I need to be told I'm not a horrible person, but one trying to heal and as I get better I will make better choices.

One of the pieces I stumbled across in my own period of intensive healing went like this...

Quote:

Loving a human being is accepting the opportunity of truly getting to know them, and enjoying the adventure of exploring and discovering what lies beyond their masks and defenses. It is contemplating with tenderness their deepest feelings, fears and insecurities, their dreams and joys, sorrows and aspirations. It is being able to understand that behind their shields and masks, a sensitive and lonely heart is hidden, starving for a friendly hand and a sincere smile where they can feel at home. It is acknowledging with respectful compassion, that the disharmony and chaos in which they sometimes live are the product of their ignorance and unconsciousness, and realizing that if they occasionally cause pain and sorrow, it is because they have not yet learned to cultivate happiness and sometimes feel so empty and such lack of sense that they can’t even trust themselves. ...

... Loving a human being is moving beyond their individuality; it is perceiving and appreciating them as a sample of humanity as a whole, as an expression of Mankind, as an evident manifestation of that transcendental and intangible essence called "human being", of which you are a part. It is acknowledging through them, the indescribable miracle of human nature, which is your own nature, with all its magnificence and limitations. It is appreciating the radiant and shining facets of humanity as well as its dark sides. Loving a human being, in essence, is loving human nature for what it really is. Therefore, loving a human being is loving yourself, feeling proud to be a note in the symphony of this world.

Source: Loving a Human Being

To a certain extent, this is what tonglen practice also addresses. Sometimes we are more capable of extending compassion to others than we would to ourselves but tonglen helps us understand that we are also human beings, who are also deserving of our own compassion. To a certain extent, compassion for the self is akin to self-mercy. This is not the same as self-pity for the former always contains a seed of judgment whereas self-mercy allows you to acknowledge that sometimes, it's difficult to be human.

~ Namaste

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