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Jun 05, 2009, 07:54 AM
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Member Since: Feb 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,611
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painneverstops, my misunderstanding in my first post. I didn't realize you were talking about things that happened to you as a child.
Children are NEVER TO BLAME for being abused, for anything they do to *cause* their abuse, for feelings or actions they have during their abuse.
Go spend several days just watching children that were your age when all these memoriess you talked about happened. Just watch them and think - could these children possibly be responsible for the kind of treatment I received? You will see how ridculous your idea that you were somehow responsible for you actions are.
Even if you, as a child, broke you ribs, caused yourself to be hurt on purpose, that was NOT your fault either. That was the only way you knew to cry out for help in a horrible situation. What other resources, as a child, did you have?
If you want to write something, have a mantra, a chant for yourself, write, say, chant 1,000 times: It was not my fault. I am not to blame.
One other thing.
Quote:
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So I tried. I found it really hard, I was so scared that they'd find out, they will, they always do... I told the supporter that and she said that it seemed that although I'm away from them, I can still be abused by them..
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I may be not understanding again, not having enough context here, but that sounds like my experience with delusional thinking. "They always know, they always find out." That's me in my delusional thinking reading into things people say, or do, or even just a look, and thinking "they know." They are listening in on me, someone told someone who told them, etc. etc.
Do you think like that? If so you may have delusional thinking - steming from your depression and PTSD also. If that is the case you definitely need to tell a pdoc or therapist about it and you will need to be on medication. I that is the case, pleas get the help you need.  And continue to post here and let us know how you are doing.
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