thanks everyone for your replies - I guess part of me says that I shouldnt be upset by this and thats why i am disappointed - I keep forgetting I am human!
I keep forgetting that its ok to have emotions cos I shut them down for so many years.....
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts 
its how many times you get back up! 
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture 
)
When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet