Very good questions Jay! I remember when I was in this phase. It seemed like no one could understand me! What I found out is that I just had to do the work until I understood myself very well and could fix my issues. I accepted a lot of help along the way. Various people (therapists, and from reading) gave me bits of info along the way which helped me to figure things out.

This is why I ask people a lot of questions on this site to help them to understand themselves. We are all so unique that we cannot understand anyone else unless that person explains themselves out really well.