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Jun 05, 2009, 09:31 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: So Cal
Posts: 3,342
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Squirellkid....
Your situation sounds rough.
I don't know if you're willing to admit it or not but your brother is an abuser. From what you have written, you have described emotional, verbal, and physical abuse towards your mother and yourself.
The behaviors your brother is exhibiting sound similar to the cycle of violence where everything is great for a while and slowly the tension builds and then there is an explosion. After the dust settles, the abuser usually tells their victims they are sorry, it won't happen again, they didn't mean to, they love them, they can't live without them, and they may even buy them gifts to show affection to provide their victims with a false sense of security.
It sounds like you and your mom are caught up in this cycle. It also sounds like there may be some enabling and/or denial going on on the part of your mom as well.
What saddens me though, is to hear that your brother has got you feeling so guilty that you would rather cut yourself off from your entire family and break ties, then call your brother on his behavior and force him take responsibility for his actions and behaviors.
Your brother needs some help. Anger management classes, maybe more. The only way for him to get this kind of help, since he's not likely to seek it out himself, is to put his violence on record with the authorities and let them work with him. Courts can mandate therapy and anger management courses, but to get to that, you have to allow your brother to make his mistakes and suffer the consequences of his behaviors.
I hope this is not to harsh...I don't mean it to be. I just don't want to see you cut off everyone in you family just because of him. Sometimes this is called for, but you really want to make sure that this is what you really really want. If you let your brother break apart your family then he has succeeded.
It's time to allow him to learn about consequences......but you have to stop enabling his behavior to do that. This is not an easy task, I know. I speak from personal experience.
I'm always here if you need to talk.
Take care....
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