I'm not sure...but you might have an anxiety disorder mixed with something else...maybe procrastination? I'm not a doctor so I don't know. But I understand how you feel. I'm from Egypt, too. But don't be ashamed to go to a therapist, he/she can really help you and thats what they are there for .

Are you trying to say that you constantly try to convince yourself to enjoy/desire the things you must do? Basically..."Love what you do" not "Do what you love" ?