((((rapunzel))))

thank you for sharing your experiences! i agree that there are many useful components to DBT and i'm glad you've found it useful.

i guess i have been more worried about those "aggressive" aspects that you mentioned that Linehan encourages therapists to use. that is something i won't stand for, especially coming from a therapist. it is like what you said: everyone manipulates their environment, but some of those manipulations leave us feeling like we have a choice, and others feeling like we've been coerced. aggressive behaviour, to me, falls into the coercive camp. there is a definite boundary between being aggressive and being assertive. so many anger-management courses are focussed on this boundary, so i'm surprised that Linehan does encourage it to an extent.

as for the "life skills" that she talks about - i agree that they are all useful!! i think i already have many of them, but i can't identify what they are, and sometimes i think it would be useful to be able to label them, so i could choose which skill to use in a given situation.

as for what your husband did, sweetie, i don't understand either . he was trying to intimidate you (at least that how it reads to me), and quite frankly i don't give a rat's arse about whether he felt manipulated when you tried to leave without asking. you told him you felt trapped, and then you tried to leave. that to me is assertive behaviour. if you had "asked", the way he wanted you to, it would've reinforced his idea that it's up to him whether you are allowed to leave a bathroom or not. he has no right or place in trying to control you like that.

i'm sorry you're feeling triggered - i would be too . i hope you're keeping safe right now. do you think you'll address what happened with your husband directly, or in therapy? i hope you get a chance to sort it out .

pachy - thanks for your post about linehan's contribution . i've read her say the same thing as well. i guess i just disagree with her assertion that it was her (unique) contribution to combine those two aspects. it's not really a novel idea (change where change is warranted; acceptance when things cannot be done) but if she wants to claim it was her idea, then eh. i guess it might have increased awareness of the idea, but mindfulness has been incorporated into many therapeutic models for a while now (e.g., mindfulness based CBT) so i don't think it was unique.

the only really novel aspects that i see in her theory are her therapist-interaction-stuffs, but i find that a repulsive contribution to make to the field of psychology.