Lately, more than ever, I'm feeling extremely suffocated. I mean more than I ever have in my life. At times I find it hard to breathe. First of all, I have my own depression, anxiety, etc to deal with and not to mention my ocd is out of control as well. I can't walk through one room without having to touch the center of everything I pass... but that's another story for another time.

Anyways, my mom and sister deal with depression as well and since no one in my family really talks to each other besides me (they all keep up with each other through me... I'm the messenger) all I hear about every day from anyone is how life is miserable and how they hate everything. I understand where they're coming from 100% but it's a lot to take in. I'm constantly worrying about them to the point where I fall asleep at night with tears streaming down my face.

My dad is having some joint problems in his legs so whenever I'm around him all I hear about is how much pain he's in. Just knowing that there's nothing I can do to help anyone breaks my heart.

Not to sound too pathetic, but on top of all that we're having a feud with our neighbors (who btw are the most inconsiderate people I've ever met in my life) and the other day I had a pretty bad panic attack when my mom and I were at the store. She said she's never seen me like that before and it terrified her (which of course only added to her depression).

Yesterday, I blew up and snapped at everyone. I don't know why but I just got mad so easily. I spoke with my sister and dad on the phone and furiously hung up on both of them, which later made me feel awful.

*sigh* Is this the way life is going to be forever? Always down and never ever ever ever up?