That is what I'm feeling, I always feel like something good happening means that there's bound to be something bad happen shortly after, to snatch away that good thing before I can have it. Just like before. I never had anything good happen to me without something bad kicking me up the arse to remind me that I am a bad person and need to be punished for it, for thinking that I deserve good things.

P7; Thank you so much. I've not huged a teddy in years. It gives me great comfort when I need it. I was sat in a friend's flat and he has a hamster. This hamster is one of very few that doesn't bite. I asked to hold him and I sat there for ages, just holding this hamster, with such a goofy grin on my face. My friend, Mark came over and saw the grin on my face and I think he kinda guessed that's all I needed to put a smile on my face. An animal in my arms/hands. But yeah, it made me feel so warm inside to have this little creature crawling around on my lap and just feeling his soft fur put me into a state of such happiness that I almost forgot all my troubles... That's all I need... A little furry friend to keep me going..

Thank you for the warm blanket also and for sitting with me. I need someone here today.

I feel like your statements are not true, about them lying and such. I feel like it IS me lying, but I'm trying my hardest to believe what you're saying.

I have a place of my own, yes. I'm 17 and I have a place of my own. Hmmm. Scary, but good. I know that not many people at my age would have had to have coped with everything on their own like I have, not at the age of 16.

I beg to differ on the "you are brilliant" part, but again, I'm trying to believe it. I just feel like I'm failing no matter what I do, because They don't care, therefore it feels like I'm trying to fool myself into thinking that I did it, that I'm clever and sensible and know what I'm doing... But... I did do it myself, nobody else did... I was the only one that could've been a good resident in order to get the flat, I was the only one that did so much volunteering and stuff..

But... My head is so messed up today that I've forgotten a lot of things, I keep falling over things, dropping things, forgetting things, I almost went to write a whole load of stuff that I'd written yesterday, again. I feel so tired and crap, I really didn't want to get up today but had to for breakfast club, to feed everybody else.

I don't want to cry anymore... I don't want to be angry and stressed and unhappy and hurting anymore but no matter how hard I try, I always am..