(((((treehouse)))))
For me it has been true. And I only would have been able to discern the difference because of my past experience with my T and my new experience with my new T. My new T is so accepting of the attachment, the needfulness. She doesn't have an undercurrent of rejection. My old T *said* it was okay to contact her and to need her. But when the "rubber met the road" in small ways she would do things that in turn caused me to feel really bad about wanting or needing extra support. An example of this would be that my old T said I could call any time. However, when I would call if I needed to she would sound annoyed. It led to so much conflict for me because I felt like she was saying one thing but the under message was completely different. I also don't call a lot- so the impression I got from her was "why can't you handle this on your own?!?" My attachment to her was strong, I think because of the nature of the work. But it was very insecure because of this conflicting message stuff.
My new T is so different. When she says I can call I know she means it. It's not just something she says but in her actions too. This congruency in actions/words has led be to doubt myself less and be more open in a shorter period of time (I also got some time to check her out doing the couple's work for a bit).
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Originally Posted by treehouse
A-ha! This makes SOOOO much sense to me. It puts something into words that I guess I've felt, but never named. The fact that T accepts my attachment so readily, and sees the value in it, and reciprocates by being loving and caring towards me gives me such a sense of safety. And I DO think I am starting to value my Self more, because he values me so much.
I wonder if that is part of the difference between a secure and an insecure attachment in the therapy relationship?? The T's attitude towards the attachment?? I think that if T was somehow resisting my attachment, it would make things so hard....
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I agree with this so much! It does make it hard and I think that it is damaging to the client too. But that is just my opinion
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Originally Posted by Bether91068
I think that attachment has both biological and psychological elements to it. Whenever it happens to us, it seems we tend to repeat the same patterns learned when we first attached to our parents. Part of infant attachment to caretaker is necessary and instinctive, I think. There is no way a baby could survive without his/her caretaker so they need that attachment to survive. I wonder if the same type of thing happens sometimes in our adult relationships with others...even outside of the therapy room. Separation distress (which is exactly what I went through when leaving therapy) is nature's way of getting the infant back to their caretaker.
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(((((bether)))))
I think this is true...I also wonder if the therapeutic "attachment" can be more true and authentic and more basic? Like the most pure and basic of the attachment because it doesn't have all the competing needs of the parent and family in the relationship? Just throwing out a curiosity...Your old T sounds like he was pretty amazing...