Gosh hanginon, I feel like these worries are straight from me. You're definitely not alone. This is just a rupture though - just something you and T don't see eye to eye on. It is healthy and helpful actually. Working through this will allow you to see how you interact in daily confrontations and disagreements and work on adjusting your reactions and behavior. Remember - therapy shouldn't just be about gaining insight - you should be working on making changes to the way you think and the way you behave also.

Also, you have a bunch of stuff in that message that you could pick out to work on as goals. For example, you do have some very black and white thinking in there (about you being good/bad, being in therapy/not being in therapy) check out the CBT cognitive distortions sticky, you might find some helpful stuff to try to implement. Instead of holding in the confusion, embarrassment, anger, etc - find ways to use it (like setting new goals). This rupture is only bringing out new things for you to work on - just talk, talk, talk about it! Otherwise, you'll show up to session one day and you will have spent two months in a silent protest and not even know why you were upset in the first place... wait, that was me.

Also, why would you feel embarrassed if your T read this? Don't forget that she's not there to judge you. If she's reading the site, she may not even know it's you - and if she figures it out - she will only gain more insight into you, which ultimately helps you.