Dear Doby,
If it is any consulation to you the people on this forum can relate to you, it really sucks when you have to put on an "act" for those who "can't" deal with a friend or family member suffering with depression or some other disorder. "NO" one seems to know what misery it can be, though I too get so down I do not even want to tell you more about me, let it be again a consulation to you that this great thing the "internet" has connected many of us in the same or similar position and we are "truly" here for you, the people on this forum are good people and seem to "REALLY" listen, not humor us like others around us do. If your medicine is not helping you do not feel afraid to tell your doctor, and be sure to feel free to ask questions. Keep us up to date with how you make out.
Stay well,
"darkeyes"