|
Jun 06, 2009, 02:02 PM
|
 |
|
|
Member Since: Apr 2008
Posts: 265
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by anna342
Thank you Doggybonz (feels weird calling you that, but I couldn't see anything else)!! Very kind words you posted for me.
But, no matter how many times this is said I still push it away, because I genuinely think I should be able to cope alone.
I does come to the point quite often though, that I have some panic about something I freak out, cry, SI (not just cutting- ODing, and anything that comes to mind). Sometimes when i'm like this or after when I reflect on it I think to myself how I need something to change, I need to do something. But that soon fades and I go back to thinking I'm fine.
|
Wow, can totally identify with what you said about being able to do it alone. That is the way I so often feel and felt growing up. That I should be able to handle it - the thing is and it is what I am learning - I don't know how to handle it. I mean my ways are not working and that totally sucks b/c I want them to. SI, O'Ding, purging - so many unhealthy ways that I thought were helping.
I go back and forth with therapy. I take breaks b/c I want to be able to do it alone and feel stupid - like I should be beyond this but I'm not. I am in therapy and I still SI sometimes and purge but I am really getting to the point where I want to stop. Stopping is just the begining b/c I need to deal with what is going on and that scares me but it scares me more to continue the way I am. I hope that makes some sense.
It's always easy to let things fade but I think you know the truth - what you are doing is dangerous and there are other ways to cope. Therapy might not be for you, there are ways of learning how to cope and I just hope that you find them.
For me at least waiting for that "bottom" was never going to come because as you said it fades after a few days. I just wanted something different.
Hope that makes sense.
|