Thank you Parker for validating my suspicions that I might have to be on meds for the rest of my life.

I had previously believed that you were supposed to just pop a pill whenever your nerves were "bad" or when you were having a "bad day" but I can see clearly now that this is not some cold or flu that you get over in a week or two but a chronic, life-long and potentially debillitating illness. Thank you for showing me that.

It appears then that anxiety is something that people have to live with every single day of their lives and although there may be good and bad days or few symtoms/less symptoms, it is always there at some level bubbling beneath the surface and waiting for a trigger event to make it come out in full bloom so it can torment you.

I drank a defac this morning (Sanka) and shortly thereafter, I could just barely feel the anxiety simmering inside of me waiting to come out. I took an Ativan and have been calm, happy and relaxed ever since. It's like someone gave me my life back. I even mustered up the strength to bring my goat in the house and give her a bath in the tub (I MUST be crazy, huh?!...lol). Tonight we are having grilled hot dogs and burgers out on the grill as well as potatoe salad and baked beans, I want to make thye most of whatever time the good Lord has given me by helping other and trying to enjoy life myself a little from time to time.

Well, I'll talk more later ((((((((((HUGZ))))))))))))