Thanks Fayerody & Emily:

I didn't go. I had a melt down (panic attack) in my closet because none of my clothes are fitting due to the amount of weight I'lve lost. My husband saw how upset I got over clothing and decided to postpone our trip until his brother and his wife take the baby home...so hopefully we're going tomorrow. I feel terrible because my sons really wanted to meet their first cousin (they don't have any others).

I think my phobia of leaving the house actually kicked in and I used the clothes as an excuse...although I really don't have any closthes that aren't 1-2 sizes too large. I just pray that my really loose fitting clothing (pants won't stay up unless I hold them) isn't acting as a trigger now. I have been too thin my whole life and I finally started to put on some much needed weight 3 years ago, but coincedently that's the time of my trauma. Now that I've been physically ill due to PTSD, my weight fell back off and I hate it. People have always looked at me and wondered if I'm anorexic...have actually had people ask. I was happy when I started putting on weight and now I'm skinnier than before. I know people would call me crazy for not wanting to be thin, but this is tooooooo thin and I look sickly. I think my clothing is acting as a trigger of loosing all my put-on weight.

My triggers are getting out of control. They are mostly work related (which is bad enough) but things I never imagined are causing panic attacks. I have to find someway of kicking this...I can't just be a prisoner of my house and worse...bed. Just went back to bed the whole day after the closet episode.

I am out of bed today and I appreciate everyone's kind words, they mean alot and are so very helpful.

Missi