Lately I just feel so down in the dumps. I got laid off about 2 months ago and ever since I've just been so bored. I really have nothing to do to eat up my time and keep my mind from wandering. My girlfriend has been acting much differently towards me lately and I am unable to find a job. I went out into NYC today to see a movie and hang out with my father for a bit, and right when I got home I called my girlfriend because I had some good news for her. The good news I thought I'd be giving her turned out to be something she wasn't interested in and it upset me. We got into a bit of a fight and she hung up on me, and now my great day and great mood is reduced to self loathing and anger. I haven't been sleeping well, I haven't been eating well and I've lost 11 pounds since I stopped working. I feel like im melting away physically and emotionally.

I've had some problems with depression in the past but while I was working a full time job it pretty much seemed to disappear, or at least simmer down. Now it feels like it's flaring up in a major way and I'm really scared I'm gonna fall into it again. The worst part is I really have nobody to talk to. During my first bout with depression I pretty much cut myself off with the entire world and lost basically all of my connections with my friends. I can't just randomly call one of my old friends that I haven't spoken to in years and say "hey, can I vent all of my frustrations to you and lean on you a little bit". I don't have the money to start talking to a therapist again because I'm unemployed. It's a conundrum that I can't solve.

I dunno what to do. But I do know what I feel and I don't like it and I REALLY don't want it to progress into a full blown depression again. I've been having these terrible mood swings where one minute I'm smiling, joking, having a good time and then one tiny thing will happen and my stomach feels like a bottomless pit and my shoulders get weak. That's really the only way I can describe my depression, other than beating myself up in my head over and over of course.

I guess I don't really have a question in this thread, I just really needed to vent a bit.