So...ok...

My original message was about how people seem not to talk about their experiences of abuse. Is that cuz that should be in the abuse forum and not here? i don't see people talking about their experiences there either.

i also wrote that i wish there was an r.a. forum. i would like to know if other people have the f'd up thoughts, pictures, and stuff i do.

i need help.

WAS i ritually abused or have i gone through a maze of puzzles making pieces fit that don't fit?

DO i have parts or have i gotten carried away in my mind somehow?

WHY have i been stuck in this muck for so long?

ARGH! !#@$*$&%*@)*

T and i have started a timeline and i just gotta laugh...a mirthless, sarcastic laugh. i remember so much but feel like so much is missing. i wish i had a personal assistant that could take all my nightmares and all my journal entries and make sense out of them. i've tried organizing them by perpetrator and got pretty far but never finished. i still can't see the big picture. i still gotta laugh at that...i have a list by perpetrator.

i don't know why i'm bothering to write any of this...i really don't.