Mightaswelllive,

Thanks, I hope its just a rupture or something. I have never felt confused like this about her responses.
I realize I do have alot of black and white thinking which I need to work on. I also still want to retain my own judgment in making decisions ect. Not that I can't waiver or try out suggestions my T gives me.
As far as my T reading, it does make me nervous, don't know quite why except that I wouldn't want her to get upset with me for asking these questions here.

Perna,

I'll try not to worry so much about that future. That comes with my need to be in control of everything and to plan things out ahead of time.
The no right way or wrong way to be is a good way to look at it. I will try to be patient in this.

Treehouse,

Perhaps this is good for the relationship. I always fear bringing things up because I am afraid I will make my T angry with me. I have a very hard time when people are angry with me.
Hopefully we can work through this more. She doesn't know that I have more feelings about all of this. I think she felt it was settled in session. I often tend to just go with the flow.
She asked me why I didn't get up and leave the session, where she was saying things that bothered me. I said, I did leave in a sense, I checked out in my mind. I hope my T doesn't come here lol....

Sunrise,

Nope, I couldn't talk about these topics in the beginning, I still had the worst time doing it this far along. I kind of just went along with what she was saying and not telling her what I was thinking about what she was saying. I need to work on that as well.
Her reason for suggesting a break was when I said I had a huge test coming and had tried to sit down and study for it and each time I tried I couldn't do it. However, in the end, I did pull through it and did well on the test.
My old therapist had suggested what you had about doing easy work sometimes rather than intense sessions when things got tough. This one made it sound more like a break is more helpful. When I mentioned that my intention was not to take a break, she said well, I can't always be here.

Then mentioned that sometimes she needed to take vacation. I was thinking of course you do, we all do. It came across as very reactionary on her part. She admited in the next session that maybe she was at that point.
I still didn't quite get a clear answer as to why she responded back with the vacation stuff and not always being there, just because I said my intention was not to take a break. I never protested her going away, she hasn't even been away yet since I have seen her. However. I had been away for a week on vacation. She said she will go away in July.

LOL, I liked your response about people posting on the site. It is true, we are all incognito here, do we really need to lie? I imagine she just wanted me to be cautious.
I hope when I am further down the road I will be more relaxed about parting from therapy, right now, I feel like I am just beginning.

When she did ask me where what I said came from, I tried to explain it, then she responded with, you already told me that before. That was what really made me check out in my head. Maybe it was because I felt like she was shutting me down just like my mom had many of times.

About the emailing, I am still worried about it now because I don't want her getting upset with me.
As far as goals, we have never really sat down and discussed these. Though I did tell her one of the things I really need to work on is relationships. I have friends but I have never been intimate with them, I have never been the type to be vulnerable. I am learning that now. Trying to be more open with people.

Phoenix,

That would so be me. I would think the same thing, maybe I interpreted her wanting me to take a break to mean that she didn't really want to see me.
I want taking a break to be my choice.
I love your T response to you and I am glad you brought it up to him. I bet it made you feel so much better.
I am one that needs lots of affirmation and clarity or my mind with go all over with the information.