I posted about an incident with my husband and then a dream about my T in which each of them (husband actually and T only in a dream) trapped me in a room and wouldn't let me out, but I didn't for some reason ask to be let out. With H I freaked out a little bit and cried. In the dream with T I shoved her to get past her.

I'd like to continue talking about this, but I didn't want to hijack Pomegranate's thread http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...=102494&page=7

So, to continue from where I left off, this was the topic I presented in my therapy session. After dreaming about pushing T, I was freaked out and feeling off all day. That was where I started to realize that I was really not acting effectively at all. In my groups the last week I've been teaching about acceptance, and willfulness. I realized that I was being willful in refusing to ask either H or T to let me out. And that I must have been reasoning that I shouldn't have to ask when they knew I was freaking out about being trapped.

I expected T to say pretty much the same as what I had started to work out. She asked me if I was angry at her when I told her I shoved her in my dream. That, I didn't really answer, and I apparently still need to work out why I'm feeling trapped in therapy. But I feel trapped all the time with H. And I never ask him to let me go. I just avoid him (such as not going to bed until time to get up) or pull away from him. T said that I set the whole being trapped by H blocking the doorway scenario up by telling him in the first place that I felt trapped. If I hadn't made an issue of it, T says he wouldn't have stayed there, or kept blocking me when I tried to get out. And generalized to the relationship, saying that it is my own choices keeping me feeling trapped. Somehow we ended up analyzing my family of origin, and that I chose to get away from my parents out of self-preservation because I couldn't live with what my parents wanted me to be (either just like them, or helpless and dependent). I can't quite remember the connection, now.

Anyway, I wanted to give an update on that. I'm probably not done with it yet, and it's going someplace different than I expected. The feelings with this include sad and scared. At least this is something to process, and I'm working on it.