manuelle....

You stated in your post that your girlfriend's past does not bother you. While it is admirable not to judge people based on their past, their past shoud be of major concern to you. It is a concern because it can give you insight into why they may be acting the way they are acting.

Let me share with you my own story. After my divorce I met a woman that was eight years younger than I am. I was defintely in "lust" with her. She was very attractive, very feminine and very sensual (qualities that my ex wife didn't possess. She had a troubled past, was abused verbally and emotionally by both her father and then her step father. She ahd two brothers but did not have a realtionship with either of them (that should of been a red flag right there). I was so enamored with the fact that this attractive, younger very sexual woman would want me that I madea hastey decision to marry her. After the marriage things really started unravelling very quickly. She had two sons and she was overly upset that I was not "bonding" with them. Even after four weeks she would flip out on me saying that her boys didn't feel "safe", which was crazy. I think she had major issues from her past and feeling of safety was one of them. She told me she didn't want her boys to go through what she went through. Then, 7 days after paying off thousands of dolalrs in debt and cashing in most of my retirement money to buy a house for us she upped and left. I begged her to come back. She did. To make a long story short she cleaned out my bank account, had a great Christmas for her kids and after Christmas left again without a word. And, in the process created such "high drama"... sent the police to my son's home becuase he wrote her a letter saying how mad he was, sent the police to my home with an order of protection, etc., etc., etc. She thought the world "owed her something".

I do believe that she also had some issues with sex and sexuality. I can only say that now looking back in hind sight. At the time I thought it was "hot". On our first date we were driving in the country and she opened her blouse, exposed her breast and placed my hand on it. I wanted to wait for intimacy. And we did wait to have sex, but not as long as I wanted to. Frankly, I think that she used me for sex. It never really felt genuine, close or loving. It was all about "getting off".

The nightmare of this marriage propelled me into a severe depression and has changed my life forever. My depression catapulted me into a spiral of my own unhealthy sexual excursions and slef destruction. As a result I am feeling guilt, shame and bitterness toward her. I have been suicidal for almost three years now. I did finally meet the most wonderful woman you could imagine, but all my own issues, depression and "acting out" caused me to lose this relationship as well.

I share this story with you to warn you. I am in no way suggesting that your girl friend is going to "flip out on you" the way this woman did to me. However, there are certainly lots of red falgs there. And, while it is commendable that her past does not "bother you", don't put your head in the sand either. If you are going to get serious with this woman take some time to do the right things to make sure she is healthy and your relationship is healthy. Get her to counseling. Go to counseling together. Make damn sure that her past will not come back to haunt you. Her drinking problem needs to be addressed. And, it appears as though she does not have a healthy approach to sex and sexuality. Fast, hard, wham-bam sex is fine once in a while. But, the majority of the time it should be warm, loving and very intimate. It appears as though she may have issues with true intimacy.

Again, I share my story to give you an example of what can happen if you ignore someone's past. Don't be blinded. Please be proactive. Don't ruin your life as I ruined mine.