Pegasus,

I can only speak from my own experiences but I do believe much is common to all.

Mourning is, oh, such tearful pain. The numbness of reality gives way to the dark hollows of loss. My brain has felt so much but reacts to very little. I have heard but do not listen. I have vision but I cannot see. I touch but do not feel. I live but barely exist. Oh, pain has come to live within me.

My heart weighs heavy for you dear Pegasus. It takes time. Time takes time. It is about the time. The time it takes to get righted. Whatever it takes to begin the new phase. Acceptance of what is, what has happened, what cannot be undone.

Not long before my mother died, I decided to try to find the positives in what was happening (knowing she was dying). I wanted to give myself choices. Death has always been and I was a ripe pupil looking for lessons. I decided there were "gifts" to discover in this natural process called death. And I did indeed experience several moments that gave me perspective. They were truly gifts in the sense they validated my existence as a human being, a loving daughter, a sister and a spouse.

I had to step up to the challenge. It was/is all about acceptance, attitude and action. It's not easy. It's downright difficult. But I have to tell you - embracing my mother's life, her death and the entire burial process as a celebration has given me a more complete sense of self. Now, that's a gift!

Please know that you are not alone. You are strong and you will prevail. You are in my thoughts.