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Actually not doing that great :/
My mom is constantly pressuring me, and I feel completely trapped here. Being apart from my boyfriend is killing me from the inside. Whenever I try to practice physically I can't do it because I don't have my own room here, and everyone barges in so even if I can handle it mentally I can't manage it because of the location.
My mom is trying to force me to volunteer as a job. which would be fine except she's forcing it on me without asking me first, I kinda need the money >.< and she has already offered my services without telling me. She makes me feel worthless. I just got a call from the restaurant I used to work at here last summer, probably actually have hours. I would jump on them. but I feel like I need to grab my stuff and run now. Because in this past week and a half, I've sunk from being almost fully functional to only being able to sit in a lump all day, and having VERY bad thoughts and desires that I haven't had for so many months.
So I want to get a train back to the place I was staying before I came home - to an empty apartment etc - just so I can survive. But even that scares me.
So I'm a bit of a mess today, but trying to find some way I can live through this.
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Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.
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