Thank you deeply to everyone that has responded here.



I was hoping someone would come along and give me an easy answer.

Tears filled my eyes as I read your replies, I cannot share how I feel with anyone in real life due to the complex relationship I had with T. So being able to share with you here is a relief of sorts. I have had many losses in my life but none has hit me so much as losing T.

I am going back and forth between disbelief, I want him to ring me! Serious hatred towards God, why did you take him, he was a good man, death seems like a cruel punishment to me! And bargaining, oh I have pleaded with God to bring him back, let me suffer the death instead, let me join him, I'd do anything to see T again...