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thank you everyone for continuing reading and the hugs and everything. I keep posting here rather than making new threads.
I keep dipping lower. I'm so much worse compared to even yesterday. I can kinda feel my mind going. I've though so much about things being over because I'm not seeing a way out of this now. I know I need to make one, but the depression is making this so hard.
Trouble with the boyfriend - he lives halfway across the country but we go to same school and we agreed we wouldn't do distance we'd stay together. We've been living with each other for 9 months. Suddenly his parents said he had to come back to work at home and he went an I miss him so much and don't see howlong term we can be together but I love him with everything I have and then some. Also have some troubles regarding his ex but that's beside the point for now.
Losing interesting in everything. No interest in anything right now. Barely can keep myself out of the bed crying. Don't even feel like playing cello now. Can't do it. Can't do this.
My mother makes me cry.
Was thinking of escape to apartment, alone up there but not being in negative atmosphere. Dont' have job right now, but also worried how far I have dipped how can handle job?
So scared.
Even in a few years when parents dont support where money come from? How make life work. Scared confused and REALLY down.
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Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.
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