Wisewoman,

It sounds like you are going in the right direction even though it may seem all clouded to you at this time. You have given her as much as you can, & now it is time for her to make it on her own. No one should be in a household without pulling their own weigh & you shouldn't have to do it all.

I think your own children should come first in your priorities & if she is hurting them in any way, I would end doing anything for her until she starts doing something for your family. At the age of 18 she is now concidered to be an adult & should be given adult responsibilities like paying for her car insurance, repairs, registration, & taking care of her own things like vacuuming her room & doing her laundry. She should also be held responsible for her actions by this age ..if she doesn't like it, she can get out & do it on her own...unless she thinks that her boyfriends family will do it for her. Seems like she is going to have a rude awakening as to the responsibilities that life really holds for her.

I truely feel sorry for her making the choices she has. We all make mistakes growing up & guidance is necessary, but there comes a time when we as parents/gardians can do no more & the choices become theirs. It is sad that she doesn't have enough self esteem to put her future infront of a guy like her boyfriend. Therapy may work, but if she doesn't want her life to be different, no amount of help will work & will only be rejected & sometimes makes the reactions even more negative just to make a statement.

I like your last statement about it being her choice to stay or go, to choose your home values and be part of the family or her own...that is what it comes down to in the end. We can't force people to think in our way, but we can choose not to have them around us if they don't. You have to look out for your & your family's best interest & it sounds like that is what you are in the process of doing.

My congratulations to you for taking a stand,
Debbie