turquoisesea
you can do heaps for yourself when you have to .It may seem like a dream that you could but if you were left by yourself and didn`t have a b/f to lean back on then and as you realize now that a person no matter how bruised or broken on the inside can somewhere inside we find the strength to survive.being in school and trying to do ALL of these things by yourself is scary enough when you have a clear head but then you add some self doubt depression, anxiety and all those other little demons we have and life looks so big and all you want to do is shut down and let someone else take control
And if you want to go through life like that as many people do then fine the system will find a way to medicate you till become just another statistic on the books.
But if you want to go forward and make a name for yourself as an individual then you have to work hard remember who you are and want you want out of life and tell yourself this everyday.
Deal with what you want to happen to you and have a positive outlook for yourself If your b/f doesn't know what a treasure he has then its up to him to fix things the way you want.
play your music and feel happy about just being able to do that in that moment of time then sort the rest into not so big piles Life will come to you instead of being drained of it .
out of all that I hope you find something good to take .
And please play the cello for me just once I cant play a note