Hi Berries,
(I like that name!)
I feel the same way too, about not wanting to be alone for the rest of my life. It's not that I'm scared of people, it's that I don't like being judged. At work I can talk and laugh with my co-workers but all the while, in the back of my mind, I'm thinking stuff like, what do they really think of me; they think I'm stupid or ugly or whatever; etc. etc. etc. Even when we laugh or the mood is good in the office, I am thinking, while I'm laughing with the rest, "they are just faking it, nobody is really happy" etc. etc. I avoid people because it's just easier to deal with. No judgmental eyes! I hate walking down the street and looking at people coming towards me 'cuz I can see their eyes, they are judging me, and thinking bad thoughts of me. Stupid? yes, but can't help it. Yet, I seek out company from friends, but when we are together, all I want to do is leave. Go figure. See, just easier to be alone!