It's really difficult when one is not on the same page as their spouse. Went thru that in early marriage years. Much damage was done to several of us then.

Prayer and some good friends changed the situation---one's leaving did also. then H realized at some point it had been all about him and slowly began to turn around. not perfect, but no human is....

It also took work on our part to continue therapy and to learn that our self worth didn't revolve around what he said or did. we still have one who is struggling very very much with the co-dependancy and her value and worth.
she truly believes she is worthless and a slave to him and nothing more than part of his shadow.

Hold onto what you believe. Hold onto what you are discovering about your worth and value as a person, as a system and as "his" child and as a very special gift. You can't change who H is, but you can continue to work on yous. You are valuable, worthy and precious.