all - interesting to hear your responses - keep em coming!

one thing - "who you present" may be not so much what you want T to think; could it be much more a matter of how it makes YOU feel - comfortable to help with going through uncomfortable stuff; less business-formal, so you don't carry your armor in there; maybe brown/black because I feel down, closed in, unconfiding....

T once said to me, you just ... seem so ... quiet. I said, yeh, but I am IN HERE you know. OF course she already knew that; but it just doesn't seem to convey.