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Originally Posted by Pomegranate
Yes, that's exactly what I'm working on now with my T. It's difficult, especially when sometimes my delusional thinking tells me he's part of the *conspiracy* of people trying to hurt me.
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In the following, "L" is the "gf who, in retrospect, was showing some BPD traits" whom I mentioned back in #20. "S" was a friend of many years' standing whom I'd introduced to L a few months earlier; they'd hit it off. L and I had then gotten into our "brief and stormy relationship," had a blowup, and were in the process of trying to get back together. Here, then, is what I wrote to another friend at he time:
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S., L., and I had decided weeks earlier to get together on the 15th. S. thought she'd like to mediate so we'd get back in communication. A week and a half before, S. said she couldn't make it. I wrote back immediately that I was really, really disappointed -- that it wasn't her fault, I wasn't blaming her, I just wanted her to get that I was really disappointed. I proceeded to have a black upset about "nobody respects me, everybody hates me, and I'm not worthy of anything better." That seemed awfully real to me; the whole world fell into step with it. After a while I found myself thinking, "S. doesn't respect me??? Oh, THAT'S what going on, this is just an upset!" If it had been some jerk who actually didn't respect me, I would've chosen to fight with them rather than feel rejected and abandoned; I only felt safe enough feeling rejected and abandoned because it was S. After a day or so I was done with the upset. S. e-mailed an apology...
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Anyway, I thought it was interesting that for me the apparent validity of my delusion turned out to hinge on whom the delusion was about.
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Don't believe everything you think.