Biscuit tin,

I am sorry this has happened to you, and in light of what other people have said, I may be booed off the stage for this!!!

I was kicked out of home at 16, when my mothers boyfriend and I did not get on(my mother had an affair with him behind my fathers back). I had no money, no life skills(I had been very sheltered) and my mother had been exacting violence upon me from a very young age, both physically and mentally. I eventually went back about 5 years later at 21, because I was pregnant. One day my mother and I had a disagreement and she went to hit me. I was 21 and pregnant......for the first time in my life I fought back. She was not going to hurt me again or my unborn child.

I divorced her for 10 years, safer for both of us. I did make very violent threats against her when I was an inpatient in a psych facility when I was dx Borderline PD. Was I violent from the Borderline or was I violent because I was traumatised? I don't know. I have since learned(after skirting very close to the law) that violence is NOT the best policy, that there are consequences both legally and spiritually, however to recognise this, you must first understand where the anger comes from.

You are obviously not a person who lacks a conscience(I lacked a conscience-my psychologist stated in my chart that I displayed psychopathic anti-social behavioural problems), it is evident in the guilt you feel over your nephews. Move out if you can, get better, and take care of that rage.......it will destroy you sweetie, much quicker than it will destroy anyone else.

Good luck and make peace with yourself......the Universe will reward you if you can make peace with your father at some stage as well.......I believe there was a trigger far greater than medication.

And everyone else, I beg of you not to judge too quickly. I know violence is a serious trigger for most people, but remember some of us do not have the necessary "stop" button that others are fortunate to have. I have battled this demon for many years. Are we not entitled to some compassion if we are making an effort to change it, no matter how small the effort? I have made my peace with God, the Universe and whomever else i am answerable to.......I have paid my karmic dues tenfold. In saying this, if my family was in danger or I perceived a threat, my inner werewolf would launch itself without compunction, no matter who is exacting it!!

In stillness, Biscuit tin.........

“He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still”Taoist proverb