I have had about 4 full blown manic episodes since I have lived at my current residence of 10 years.

1st: I was hearing voices and attempted suicide...and was subsequently taken to ER for assessment and hospitalization.

>In between this one and the more recent ones I was taken to the ER by ambulance/police for attempted suicides and/or paranoid thoughts about my physical health.

2nd-4th: These ones were very embarrassing after I had stabilized and remembered parts of what I had done and said.

> I took my clothes off nearby were my home is, bent over and flashed my bum at neighbors, got on top of my car roof and slide done the front of my car, turned up the radio in car up loud and danced half naked flashing my chest, did minor property damage, called my neighbor a very very vulgar name and told the neighbor that he was going to be killed very soon, I wrote sexually explicit messages on neighbors cars (just with my fingers--cars were dirty), I was convinced that I was related to British Royality and that Elton John was my biological father......list goes on!

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Why am I triggered today? Why are these horrible memories coming back?

I just found out that someone that I flashed and heard me call my neighbor a vulgar name is now the president of the association were I live.

It has been close to 2 and half years since any bizarre behavior. I have never been arrested or convicted of any crimes at all related to my manic episodes...etc. No one on the association were I live has taken any legal action against me at all. I have received no nasty letters in my mail box. The former president of the association where I live has always said hello and how are you.......not get the H away from me....etc. Even when the power went out where I live and I went to his door and ask if his power was out as well....all he said was that the power would be on soon and did I want to borrow a flash light.

I still feel so very much embarrassed and ashamed of my behaviour!! I feel like hiding under a rock whenever I go outside to go to my car. I am a very private person and keep to myself. I don't have many friends and my only family member, my brother, will not deal with me because of my hospitalizations and having to pick up the pieces when I have had manic episodes...etc... . I make sure the outside of my home is well maintained so I don't draw unnecessary attention to myself.

I'll stop rambling on.......

What are your thoughts? comments? experiences?